let's talk tantrums.

so the other night i went to this free class offered by our hospital on toddler behavior.  it was amazing.  it was taught by a clinical pediatric psychiatrist who had lots of letters after his name, so he knew some stuff. for reals, he had all kinds of smart things to say & i'm pretty much an expert on toddler behavior now, too.

: : insert about ten minutes of laughter : :

ok, i'm back.  so one class on toddler behavior didn't actually make me an expert but i did learn lots of interesting things.  like, did you know you can pretty much assess what sort of personality your kid will have throughout their entire life by the age of six months?  studies have shown that mellow babies more often than not turn out to be mellow adults & the same is true for "spirited" babies.  interesting, right?  ok, maybe that didn't knock you out of your chair but just stick with me.

they gave us lots of tips for handling tantrums, which dramatically spike between 1-3 years.  apparently if you have a girl the tantrums go wayyyyy down by the age of three.  but boys?  they have almost twice as many tantrums on average than girls & it continues on until about 4 or 5.  lame.

case in point:  this kid.  they showed this video clip & it's pretty freaking funny.  so here i am showing it to you.



you better have watched at least the first forty-five seconds.  because that kid is awesome.

anywho, one thing to remember is that tantrums have meaning.  they are a milestone & totally serve a purpose... by throwing fits, apparently your kid is learning how to deal with anger & will learn how to react based on your reaction.  so the number one rule to dealing with a tantrum?  stay.  calm.

if you freak out & try to fix everything or yell back or get flustered than your kid will most likely escalate.  so take a deep breath... count to three, ten, or maybe a hundred... and stay calm.

another fun fact i learned?  as a general rule of thumb, your kid understands about 10x more than they can say.  so parker's clearly saying like 6-7 words?  that means he understands somewhere between 60 to 70.  whoa.  i need to start giving him some more credit.  how frustrated must he be that he knows what he wants, but totally lacks the ability to tell me?  this is where i start wishing i took baby signing time a little more seriously.  oops.

so i'm totally interested in hearing what has worked for all of you.  what are some of your tips for dealing with tantrums, or keeping them minimal in general?

i've noticed some days where i feel like all i'm saying is "parker no!  no!  parker... no!"  i need to make an effort to say other things.  you know, the whole five positives to every negative.  and that's usually when i need to stop what i'm doing & give him some one on one attention.  i have really been trying to focus on telling him when he's being good & reward him for that behavior right away.

some day we'll actually set rules & try time outs.  but for now?  i'm just trying to keep him fed & napped so that when we're in public we have as few meltdowns as possible.  because as cute as his little frowny face is, i prefer this one much, much more.

your votes put a smile on parker's face every day. i promise they do.

traveling with a baby. it can be done!

it's no secret i was pretty nervous for this two week trip to hawaii with parker & our friends.  i was worried about the six hour flight there & back, parker crying while sharing a condo with two other {currently kidless} couples, fitting naps into a busy sight-seeing agenda, & all those other inevitable baby-related inconveniences that might occur.

all these worries were for naught.  it went perfectly.  here's what helped us & what we learned along the way:

number one:  if your baby is under two years old & is flying free as an "infant on lap", ask at the gate if you can be moved to a spot with an empty seat.

this is my NUMBER ONE TIP.  i cannot sing enough praise for this one piece of advice.  it saved us big time, both ways.  and?  kudos to hawaiian airlines for being super accommodating.  both times they were able to move us to an empty row of three seats, which allowed for us to bring on the car seat & strap parker in.  the benefits were two fold: it made me feel so much more comfortable knowing that he was securely belted in his carseat rather than being held while flying through the air at 500 mph, AND he felt like he was riding in the car, so he slept like a champ. 

when he was awake were were able to put the carseat under the seat in front of us & let him stretch his legs, sit up in the seat, crawl around a little, etc.  it was awesome.

number 2:  if you're traveling with friends, travel with friends who love kids.

this was key to our successful two weeks.  we have awesome friends.  even though the two couples we vacationed with don't have kids yet, they were all amazing with parker.  everyone played with him, held him, entertained him, & kept him happy at one point or another.  not once did anyone complain when we had to wait an extra half hour or so to go out because parker was napping, or when we had to be a little more mindful of quietly closing doors because a baby was sleeping.

but on the flip side of that...

number three:  be flexible, be realistic, & realize that every one else's vacation doesn't need to revolve around your kid.

kids are pretty dang adaptable.  once i accepted that parker would probably miss a few naps, stay up a bit later, & eat at a few different times than normal, the vacation went great.  we didn't want to hold everyone else back for the sake of his "schedule", so realizing that your kid can handle a few upsets in his normal routine makes life a bit easier for everyone.

number four:  always pack a backpack full of snacks, sippy cups, toys, diapers, wipes, clothes changes, & more snacks. take it everywhere.

having a bag of tricks to keep parker entertained was pretty key.  we always had a backpack on hand full of toys, various snacks, his sippy cup, a change of clothes, diapers, & wipes.  this seems obvious, but it was easy to forget about.  until we would go from the beach to a restaurant & realize we left stuff for him to play with in the car.  if we just took this one go-to bag with us everywhere we were set.

how is this different than packing a diaper bag?  i suppose it's not much different.  but a backpack seems much more on-the-go trip-like, right?  and, sam wore it a lot.  so it's different.

number five:  have an amazing husband who pulls his own share.

sam is easily the number one reason why this vacation with parker went so smoothly for me.  we totally took turns staying back at the condo with parker during naps, holding him while the other swam in the ocean, & carrying him in the baby bjorn for hikes.  never once did i feel like i was getting the short end of the stick, or that parker was completely my responsibility.  why should i?  his dad was with me.  and sam was perfect in that respect.

make sure your partner is on board with baby duties & that you agree to how you will share the down time so that the trip will be relaxing & fair for both of you.

and finally,

number six:  realize it might not go perfectly.  there will be tears, there will be fussiness, & there will be things that don't go quite as you planned.

one thing i didn't expect?  parker would HATE the beach.  he hated sand.  he hated being on a blanket or a towel on top of sand.  all time spent at the beach with parker was spent holding parker.  but that was ok.  sam & i took turns holding him & our friends helped out a few times too.  as long as he was held, he was happy.

also?  he would not, for the life of him, stand in the water.  if he was up by your shoulder clutching you tightly, he would allow for you to wade in the water with him.  but standing in it?  not happening.  ah well, maybe next time.

oh yeah.  and?  parker cut a tooth on this trip.  i won't even go into that.

so anywho, there's a few things that worked for us.  a vacation is totally worth it, even after baby.  i would do it again in a heartbeat.


voting for us? also totally worth it.