how "mommy-hood" has changed my identity.

when i was twenty-eight weeks pregnant with parker i wrote this post about "keeping my identity" & wondering how becoming a mom might change me.  i was all up in my life as a career woman at the time & wondered if i'd get "dumbed down" by a life of diapers & spit up.  i came across that post last week & now, at twenty-eight weeks pregnant with parker's little brother, i want to write a follow-up to all the questions i asked back then... because now i know.

here's the short answer.  i know more about myself now & who i am than i ever did back then.

these last two years of being a {mostly} stay at home mom really have changed me & honestly?  the only thing i miss about that full-time career woman is the bigger paycheck.  but getting to stay home with parker & watch him grow has made up for that in amounts way more priceless than dollars.

ok, that's the cheesy short answer.  here's some other ways i've changed.

i discovered my love for photography & started a business.  i've always been an obsessive picture-taker & always insisted on taking a million pictures of every occasion.  but when parker was just a couple months old i realized i wanted to take this passion to the next level & we purchased my first dslr.  it started with millions of pictures of parker but now i'm on my second camera & have since shot countless families, seniors, kids & a handful of weddings.  if it wasn't for staying home & photography blogs & a cute little model to learn on, i'm not so sure any of this would have ever happened.  i definitely see a long life as a photographer ahead of me & hope this is just the beginning... i think it's something i am good at & something i strive to be better at.

also?  this might not be true for most moms but i feel like i've discovered a lot about my own personal style & fashion sense since becoming a mom.  when i dress up, i dress with more purpose & my home is decorated much more to my liking than it ever has been {although it's always a work in progress!}. pinterest & fashion blogs & lots of trips to target & the mall probably have something to do with this.

when i was pregnant with parker i think i thought all moms were destined to lives of yoga pants & slippers & although this really is what i wear 75% of the time {it's actually quite glorious}, i still find times to dress up & look nice.  i still clean up well.  i still get to curl my hair & wear heels {if i want} to church on sundays or for my one day in the office on thursdays.  this is plenty for me.  it turns out moms wear yoga pants & flip flops or slippers all the time because it is COMFY.  who knew?

when i was pregnant with parker i worried about losing touch with current events.  becoming a mom-in-a-bubble.  this is something i work on.  i watch the news, i read cnn.com & follow all kinds of newsfeeds on facebook.  i think i have a pretty good idea what is going on in the world around me & i enjoy talking about current events with sam every night.  it would be easy to tune all that out & worry only about the number of dirty diapers parker had that day but this is something that's important to me & i hope it always is.

and lastly?  what i didn't know about myself back then is how much i could love another little human being.  i didn't expect that i would honestly feel like i love my kid more than any one in the whole world could possibly love theirs.  i didn't know that watching sam be a dad would make me fall in love with him over & over again everyday & that being a family kicks the crap out of being a married couple.

basically, all my fears i had back in the day were unnecessary.  mommy-hood is what you make of it.  i think it's important to make time for yourself & put yourself first when it's appropriate because no one should ever feel like they've lost their identity.  of course i have my daily struggle with fitting in all the things i have to do versus what i would like to do but that happens with kids or no kids, right?  you just have to figure out your priorities.

turns out being a mom is a pretty good thing to be.  i highly recommend it.

let's just enjoy this moment, shall we?

oh you guys... i'm treading water.  i'm balancing a million things, none of which are bad.  mom duties, photographer duties, church duties, wife duties, part-time worker duties, self-duties, housekeeper duties... you get the idea.  probably because most of you are doing the same thing.  we take on a lot because we know we can & then we feel like {as a good friend of mine put it} you're just one step away from not getting up out of bed in the morning.  it's not depression, it's exhaustion.  and it's a situation i've chosen to be in because there is so. much. i. want. to. do.  sure, a couple extra hours in the day might help... but would it?  because i'm pretty sure i'd find a way to fill that too.

i guess what i'm saying is that i am feeling the need to slow down.  i'm getting tired, i'm feeling pregnant & i'm starting to freak out a little at what's ahead.  two kids.  but then i look at everything i'm juggling & there isn't a single thing i'd choose to take off the table.  so then whattyado?

i've definitely cut back on the blogging... maybe you've noticed, maybe you haven't.  i feel like lately it's pregnancy update, week in iPhotos, token post of another subject, rinse, repeat.  and it'll probably continue to be like that as i'm insistent on continuing to document this pregnancy & our lives in the meantime.

but right now?  right at this moment?  i just want to slow down & take a breath.  i want to enjoy some of the good things in my life, some of the quiet moments & some of the things that make life worth living.  this is what it's all about.  this is how my little family spent my third mother's day as a mom.  it was just me & my two guys + the one in my belly, at the park.  it was a gorgeous day, parker was happy & the lighting was perfect for picture taking.  so i took lots.

i love my crazy, exhausting, sometimes-overwhelming life.  i am blessed with so much & am so grateful for all the opportunities that come my way, even if sometimes i think it's gonna kill me.  i'm so grateful for sam & parker & for this little boy we get to meet in less than three months.

and sometimes i just need to step back from it all, look at the big picture, take a deep breath... and remember that.

{ps:  wanna see what our mother's day looked like last year?  click here.  spoiler alert:  i had a much flatter stomach & better hair.  just sayin.}

hey parker... it's your birthday!

but we're postponing further celebrations.  i know, i know... not fun!  

today you're sick, little monster.  i can hear you coughing back in your bed as i type this & it makes my heart hurt to know there's not much more i can do than turn up your humidifier, rub vicks on your feet & hope for the best.

but don't worry... we've already done lots of fun things to celebrate!  we took you to a padres game while we were in san diego & you had so. much. fun.  you clapped & cheered & waved & walked around the whole entire stadium all by yourself.  you were in awe of the lights & the stadium organ & you kept yelling out "baseball!" when you looked at the field.  

an usher thought you were cute & gave you a little plush baseball with the san diego padres "SD" logo on it.  you spent the rest of vacation holding on to that baseball & taking it everywhere you went.  heaven forbid you lose sight of it for five minutes!  

your mom & dad love watching you have fun, parker.  we stayed for fireworks at the end of the game & a week later, you are still talking about them.  "see fireworks!  boom boom boom! baseball!"  

you are such a fun little boy.

and today you are two.  

two years have gone by since we met you face to face.  two years of holding you in my arms & calling you my baby.  you've made me happy beyond anything i ever thought possible & continue to do so everyday.  you're my little boy & even though you get bigger everyday & will someday not fit in my arms or on my lap, you'll always be my little boy.  

and now you get to be a big brother.  i can't wait to see you with your little brother... you're going to have so much fun with him.  you love babies & think it's so funny when they do anything.  i'm so excited for you to meet him!

we love you so much parker & can't imagine our lives without you.  actually, we can't even remember what life was like without you... it must have been so boring!  our lives as a family of three began on this day two years ago & nothing has been the same since.  thank you so much for being such a good little boy & giving us the best two years of our lives.  

happy birthday, little monster.

on having two.

the reality of having two little guys around here pretty soon is really starting to set in.

i am both unbelievably excited... and scared out of my mind.  i have so many fears & anxieties about two kids & i get really emotional thinking about it.  thinking about loving another little boy the way i love parker just seems unreal.  i can't even imagine.

and thinking about sharing my time with another little guy scares me more than i can explain.  i am already worried about missing parker & missing our little everyday lives together.  every monday through friday from 7am to 5pm it's just me & him. we go to stroller strides, we do our errands, we share soft pretzels & we take our naps.  he is my best little buddy.  once baby two comes, those one on one times will become a novelty.  they'll become mommy-son "dates" instead of "our daily routine" & i'm going to miss that.  a lot.

there will be times when both kids need me.  it's going to kill me to not be able to give parker that attention he craves when the baby needs to eat.  there will be times when i actually probably get frustrated with parker's silly antics as i'm trying to quiet a crying newborn.  that already makes me sad.  i wish i could give my whole entire self to him his whole entire life.  i don't ever ever want him to think he comes second but for a while?  he will.  it's not that i'll love him less, it's that i need him to be more independent so that i can take care of a helpless newborn... but how do you explain that to him?

and i haven't even gotten into my own personal life.  besides being a mom, i'm also a wife, a part-time ecologist, a photography-business-runner, a work-out-aholic & a blogger.  but when a baby comes?  all of it gets put on hold.  for how long?  who knows... i feel like now at two years with parker i'm just starting to "attempt to do it all" & can almost pull it off.  life is pretty comfortable.  but part of getting ready for this baby to come in four months is preparing mentally to give all that up for a while.  as a mom, it's what we do.  we put our kids first until we find time somewhere down the road for ourselves.

all this being said, i don't want anyone to read this & come away thinking this baby isn't wanted.  the reality couldn't be any more the opposite.  i seriously can't express how excited i am for this new addition but i would be lying if i pretended there were absolutely no nerves at play here.

but seriously?  i can't wait for august to roll around. i am so excited for our little family of three to become a family of four.  to someday travel with our two boys & to cart them off to t-ball & soccer practices & yell things like "leave your muddy shoes at the door & quit throwing the football in the house!"  you know, the stuff that a mom of two boys would say.  i can't wait.  i know it's going to be amazing & i know it's going to be worth it.  i want this family to grow more than anything & i know in the end it all works out or else no one would do it, right?

i'm already beginning to realize that you don't have to take love away from your first baby to feel love for your second.  as this new baby grows & kicks inside my belly, i already love him so much.  and i know on the day we get to meet him, my heart will surely double in size.  and although i have some fears & am nervous for the sleepless nights ahead, i'm ready.  or at least i'm ready to be in a fog for three to six months until i eventually come out the other side.  it will be worth it.  it all works out.  and parker will make it out a happier little boy because he gets a little brother out of the deal.

so everybody wins... right?

on having another boy.

i'm not gonna lie.  there is no way i could be more excited about having another boy.

before we knew what we were having i got a lot of "are you hoping for a girl?" comments, which i totally understand.  it seems like you should naturally want one of each, right?  it's the all-american family.  i usually gave the honest answer of "i'm gonna be happy either way."  boy or girl, it was gonna be our baby & the newest member of our family & that baby was gonna be what we were supposed to have.  and like most parents, we spent our time praying that we would see a baby with a healthy heartbeat & well developed organs & bones at the ultrasound... gender was an afterthought.

but if i had been answering completely honest?  i kinda secretly hoped for another boy.  i even felt guilty for feeling that way.  i told sam multiple times how bad i felt for wanting another boy.  how worried i was of feeling disappointed at the ultrasound if we didn't see little boy parts.  so the whole way to the ultrasound i gave myself a pep talk about how having a girl would be awesome.  but as soon as that ultrasound started?  i started looking for boy parts & even though i wasn't sure i saw them, i knew it was a boy.

because the weird truth is?  i had already bonded to that baby in my belly as a boy.  back at about ten weeks i had an overwhelming feeling that baby #2 was a boy & i even had a feeling about his name.  over the next few weeks i discounted it as just weird emotions so i gave it little weight in the gender outcome & my predictions.  but that moment has stuck with me & so has the name.

i have no doubt that if this baby had been a girl she would have fit right in & turned our world upside down with her awesomeness.  but i am just so extremely happy that parker is going to have a little brother.

and there is something to be said about brothers.  i can't wait to raise two boys side by side & watch them go through life together.  i can't wait to be the mom of two boys.  i've always felt like there is this special bond between a mom & her son & i never knew just how amazing it was until these last two years.  and now that is going to be magnified x2?  i can't even.

now i will say this.

i'm not completely sure we're done having babies... we'll just have to make that call a year or two down the road.  and for baby number three?  i would TRULY, honestly, 100%, completely love a boy OR a girl.  in fact maybe i'd hope for a girl for number three.  i do hope to someday experience buying little cardigans & dresses & sweaters & own something in my house that is the color pink.  two protective big brothers & a cute little sister sounds absolutely perfect.

but for now i can't wait for little brother to get here.  i can't wait to see what he looks like & how he's going to be his own person.  i can't wait to see parker's reaction to him & how they interact as two little boys.  i can't wait for them to get into mischief together & for them to form their own personalities.  i can't wait for the epic wrestle matches that will occur in our living room with their dad & to watch him with his two little boys.

at this moment?  i just couldn't be happier.

fish hatcheries & growing pains.

oh toddlerhood.

we took parker to a fish hatchery this weekend while down in vancouver visiting sam's sister.  it was so fun watching parker experience everything from the fish to the ducks to the flowers to the rocks to the dirt.  he was completely enthralled by it all.  and he really loves his auntie.

parker is in this stage of extremes.  he can be so completely sweet & hilarious one minute & so mind-puzzling & frustrating the next.  one minute i am in awe of this little person i took part in creating & then the next i am pulling my hair out trying to figure out what to do with him.

no one ever told me that as a mom you live in constant worry that what you're doing is wrong.  that you're using the wrong parenting techniques, you're feeding him the wrong diet, you're putting him down for naps/bed the wrong way or you're letting him play with the wrong toys.

as i'm starting to see him make real choices on his own & deciding how to react in certain situations, i'm always second guessing myself.  what did i do that made him not want to share with that other kid?  what can i do that will make him want to hold my hand when crossing a street?  how the heck am i supposed to react when he throws his food off his tray after eating?  ignore it?  reprimand him?  timeout?

i thought for sure as a parent i was gonna do everything right.  that other kids misbehaved because their parents did something wrong & i wouldn't have that problem.  as long as i teach my kid with love, he'll always do the right thing.

how is it just starting to settle in that my kid has his own personality & i can't mold him into exactly what i want him to be?  while parker's personality is very sweet, loving, easy-going, affectionate & fun, he also knows how to push buttons, attempt to get his own way & throw extreme fits.

he is such a fun little guy & i realize now that i'm not here to make him into what i want him to be.  i'm here to teach him what is right & wrong & hope he makes good decisions on his own.  and i'm just starting to see him make those decisions & it's kinda scary.  even if today it is little things like how he reacts to a kid taking a toy from him or how he responds to me asking him to hold my hand when crossing the street.

he already has a mind of his own, & that?  is kinda terrifying.

wordless{ish} wednesday: thankful.

well, ya knew it was coming.  a thankful post.  i would be totally lame & ungrateful if i didn't touch on some of the amazing things in my life, so here it is.

i am so in love with this time of year.  and i don't know what it is but for some reason this year's holiday season feels particularly special.  maybe it's because parker is actually more aware of christmas tree lights & santa & i'm super anxious to watch his reaction christmas morning now that he actually gets excited over new toys.  and now he actually dances with me in the living room when i blast christmas music rather than sit in his bouncer watching me like a crazy person {i know right?  why would he look at me like that?} like he did last year.  to get to show these things to a little guy for the first{ish} time is pretty exciting.

and?  i'm just happy.  i'm in a good place.  i don't want anyone to think my life is perfect, that i don't have things i wish were different or that my life is all rainbows & puppies because it's not.  i just don't choose to regularly dwell on the bad things.  because i have too much to be thankful for.  i have an amazing husband who loves our little boy more than words can describe.  i have a healthy, happy little boy who surprises me every day with how much i feel love for him.  i never knew i would feel physical pit-in-the-bottom-of-my-stomach love for this little guy.  and that nearly every day, i would stop & have to choke back tears because of how amazing he is.  seriously, that happens.  i'm totally nerdy that way.

and lastly, i am grateful for all the things i've figured out about myself in this last year.  turns out i like crafts, i can sew {new development this year} & photography has become my main creative outlet.  capturing the emotions of kids & couples & families & then making it into a piece of art for them to have forever is exhilarating to me.  for reals.  i always feel this crazy "high" coming home from a shoot when i know i've gotten some good shots & totally brought my a-game.  it makes me happy.

so there it is.

we are heading out of town for the holiday so i'm not sure when i'll be posting over the weekend.  i'm not really sure when week in iphotos will be up either... i'm not gonna stress about it.  i'm gonna wear stretchy pants, eat lots of turkey & shop at crowded stores.  i'm gonna attempt to have my family's picture taken, watch parker play with babies & visit with friends & family.  i might return ten pounds heavier than when we left but that's ok... it's what new year's resolutions are for.  and who wants to look skinny in family pictures, anyways?

i hope you all have a great holiday spending time with the ones you love.  be grateful for everything you have, even if at times it doesn't feel like much.  you can always find something to be grateful for.

{linking up with wordless wednesday at and then she {snapped},  baby baby lemon, the paper mama, & a little king & i}

is this the part where i get emotional?

when parker turned one?  i took it like a champ.

i was so excited for what my baby was becoming that i never had any of those "holy crap where did that first year go?  where is my baby?" emotional meltdowns.  i embraced my emerging toddler & waved bu-BYE to those itty bitty baby days.

but today?  the day where parker turned eighteen months & one day?  it hit me.  he is growing up & there is nothing i can do to make it slow down.  he's now closer to a two year old than a one year old & pretty soon i won't be tracking his age in months.  the years will fly by.  he'll stop blowing me kisses & squeezing my legs for hugs & soon enough, he'll be walking out my door to college.  he won't fit in my lap for stories or stand at my feet with his arms in the air saying "up! up!"  i'll probably feel weird tickling under his chin to make him giggle & he'll lose interest in matchbox cars.

these days are numbered.

why is this hitting me now?  because i think i'm realizing just how fast time can fly when you're having fun.  these last six months since parker's birthday have seriously been a blink in time.

right now?  parker isn't malicious.  he doesn't know how to intentionally hurt anyone & he doesn't know anyone is capable of intentionally hurting him.  he doesn't know what this world has in store for him & all he knows is his mommy & his daddy & how he loves his blanket.  how he loves stories & puppies & throwing sawdust in the air.  he starts his mornings with a small dose of elmo & loves to point at my nose & my ears & my eyes while i sing to him before bed.  right now?  he is perfect.

we don't fight, he's never called me a mean name & he's never talked poorly of anyone.  those things will change.  i won't be able to lift him up anymore & he'll go places without me knowing where he is.  and the kicker?  is that parker will spend the vast majority of his life not even living under our roof.

someday i'll have to let him go.

i shoulda gone to bed early. instead i wrote this post.

eek, this is gonna be random.  but you probably already knew that because i said it up there in the picture.  bring on the bullet points.

•   i bought three hoodies & two t-shirts {one is pictured above} today at target.  what does this tell me?  i've given up on summer here in the PNW.  that, & fashion apparently.  i think i am destined to be a jeans/hoodies/and t-shirts kinda girl forever.  i'm ok with that.

•   i get a really weird satisfaction out of folding laundry.  something about taking a huge heaping mound of clothes out of a laundry basket & then replacing it with neatly folded piles that fit easily inside the basket just makes me happy.  you may be thinking it's the lame stay-at-home-mom in me, but you'd be wrong.  i've always been that way.

•   i turn 29 in a month & two days.  i'm not only telling you this so that you can be thinking of what to get me {hint:  macbook air!}, but also because i want to do a 30-before-30 list & am interested in if anyone has their own i can copy. ya know, because coming up with 30 things to do in the next year can be daunting since 30 is such a big number.  so let me cheat off of you, ok?

•   is it weird that i think about what i want parker to be for halloween almost daily?

•   did you know that david schwimmer has done basically nothing besides voices for madagascar movies since "friends"?

•   i come up with ideas for my blog while running.  i think of all kinds of fitness tips & tricks that i can't wait to share, but then when i get home i've already forgotten about them.  i guess i'll have to master typing on my iPhone while running.  this has to happen.

•   i'll be dying my hair darker again this week & i'm pretty excited about it.  i've been feeling a case of the "hair blahs" lately & i've even been thinking about cutting bangs.  scary!  they never seem to work the way i hope because of weird side calicks.  and by weird side calicks, i pretty much mean bald spots.

•   i hate how i'm making the exact same face in this picture as i am in the one on the right sidebar.  creepy!

•   i'm currently craving a peanut butter cup s'more.  and i can't blame that on pregnancy since i'm not even prego.  if i was, i'd totally find a way to eat one right now.

and that's all i got.  i'm off to bed!

how about a couple random clicks for some random thoughts?  seems fair.

why i hope you never hear me complain about my kid.

a lot of you may remember the tragic death of my niece back in march.  i posted a little bit about what happened, a few details about our trip, & a couple posts about how we were coping.  but i don't feel like i adequately wrapped up just how much the loss of samantha has truly changed my life.

i always knew i wanted kids & i figured when the time was right it would be easy to get them.  after all, it was relatively easy for all three of my sisters to get pregnant.  so, after sam & i got married & had a couple years to ourselves we decided it was time to start our family.  after two years & many visits to many different doctors, including a reproductive specialist, it finally happened.  i was pregnant (with no help from the reproductive specialist).  it was a total miracle.  i swore to myself i would be the happiest pregnant girl ever.  it took us two years to get pregnant & i was just so grateful it had finally happened.  so i vowed to not complain.

well that didn't last.  have you ever met a pregnant girl that didn't complain?  me either.  there were all sorts of aches & pains & parts of pregnancy that i didn't love.  but i still tried to enjoy every single second, because i was just so grateful to be pregnant.

and then parker was born.  he was perfect.  but i was a zombie who didn't function well on 2-3 hour blocks of sleep & felt trapped in my own house at times.  that was hard.  after a couple months he slept more & he became more & more fun but i was still adjusting.  sometimes i would lose site of what a miracle i was holding & feel sorry for myself.  i would try to remember back to the spontaneous freedom that my pre-baby life allowed.

these thoughts scare me, because?  a life without parker is truly my worst most deepest fear.

when we heard the news that two month old samantha had passed away in her sleep {she had rsv & influenza a), we were devastated.  clearly.  we knew we needed to leave immediately to be with our family & show our support.  what i didn't know, was that the funeral would be the hardest thing i have ever experienced emotionally.  ever.

no parent should have to bury their infant child.  no coffin should only be two feet long.  and no cemetery should have to have an entire section dedicated exclusively to babies & children.  but it happens.  and before this, it only happened to other people.  not to my family.  tragic death wasn't something that was a real possibility.  and now it is.

i walked away from sammy's funeral realizing that every single second i have with parker is a gift.  every day that he wakes up & greets me in his crib with a big silly grin is a miracle.  and every single temper tantrum or "hard day" is a day that any mother who has ever experienced loss would beg to have again with their own baby.

i can't take a second with parker for granted.  not a single second.  life is too short for me to waste time complaining.  so i hope i never do.

---

the funeral was heart-wrenching & i cried more in that one day than i have in years.  but while we were waiting to walk into the chapel as a family for the funeral service i handed my phone over to my niece ellie, sammy's big sister.

ellie took these pictures with my phone.  and this is how i would like to remember that day.  my family, together, sharing love & support & even the occasional smile.

{ellie being ellie.}

{jodi. brad. brandi.}

{my father-in-law & kasey. me & jodi. laura's sister & mom.}

{me... ellie's view. korry. sam.}

{my mother-in-law. laura & kasey's neighbor. portrait of sammy done by my mom.}

i never got to hold sammy before she passed.  i never got to hear her cry or smell her sweet baby smells or touch her soft baby skin.  but she has made an impact on my life that will be with me forever.

and i can't wait to thank her for that someday.

{samantha marie}

samantha marie

january 15 - march 13

my sweet baby niece passed away on sunday.  she was two months old.  we miss her so much & my heart is breaking for her mom & dad.  her funeral is on friday & i am anticipating that there won't be a dry eye in the whole chapel.  things like this aren't supposed to happen, & when they do it leaves a whole lot of people asking "why".  i have been sick to my stomach since i heard the news sunday morning & i suspect it will continue to ache a while longer.  a long while longer.  shock & disbelief has definitely been felt as well.  it's very surreal.

thank you everyone for your kind words, thoughts, & prayers.  i will do my best to pass them on to sam's brother & his wife.  they have a lot of family to fall back on & can hopefully get by on some borrowed strength for a while.

i am grateful for a strong belief that kasey & laura will get to be with their daughter again some day.  that she will be reunited with her parents & three sisters again & they will live together as a family.  and that this time away from her is temporary.  i believe Heavenly Father has a plan for her, & that somehow in her two short months of life she fulfilled His plan for her.

however, it will be a while until we know the answers to the "why."  and our hearts will most definitely continue to ache a long while more.  until we get to see her again & until kasey & laura get to hold her in their arms again, she will be missed every single day & never forgotten.

deep {or not so deep} thoughts

p-ray & i ventured out for a run today since it was freakishly warm & sunny here in the pnw.

one of the things i love most about a good run is that i can use the time to clear my head & think.  cause ya know, parker & i don't get into too many deep, contemplative conversations on our outings just yet.

however, my thoughts aren't always super deep or contemplative either.  for example, today i was thinking about how i always run faster & with better form past creepy looking dudes.  why?  because if they're looking for someone to abduct, they'll pick a slower & more tired looking victim.  you gotta think of this stuff.

so, since i run faster & harder when surrounded by creepy looking dudes maybe i should start running down dark alleys or through dark parks.  seems logical.

i'll let ya know how that goes for me.



in the meantime, how about a vote?  click, click.  you're done.  thanks!