on having two.

the reality of having two little guys around here pretty soon is really starting to set in.

i am both unbelievably excited... and scared out of my mind.  i have so many fears & anxieties about two kids & i get really emotional thinking about it.  thinking about loving another little boy the way i love parker just seems unreal.  i can't even imagine.

and thinking about sharing my time with another little guy scares me more than i can explain.  i am already worried about missing parker & missing our little everyday lives together.  every monday through friday from 7am to 5pm it's just me & him. we go to stroller strides, we do our errands, we share soft pretzels & we take our naps.  he is my best little buddy.  once baby two comes, those one on one times will become a novelty.  they'll become mommy-son "dates" instead of "our daily routine" & i'm going to miss that.  a lot.

there will be times when both kids need me.  it's going to kill me to not be able to give parker that attention he craves when the baby needs to eat.  there will be times when i actually probably get frustrated with parker's silly antics as i'm trying to quiet a crying newborn.  that already makes me sad.  i wish i could give my whole entire self to him his whole entire life.  i don't ever ever want him to think he comes second but for a while?  he will.  it's not that i'll love him less, it's that i need him to be more independent so that i can take care of a helpless newborn... but how do you explain that to him?

and i haven't even gotten into my own personal life.  besides being a mom, i'm also a wife, a part-time ecologist, a photography-business-runner, a work-out-aholic & a blogger.  but when a baby comes?  all of it gets put on hold.  for how long?  who knows... i feel like now at two years with parker i'm just starting to "attempt to do it all" & can almost pull it off.  life is pretty comfortable.  but part of getting ready for this baby to come in four months is preparing mentally to give all that up for a while.  as a mom, it's what we do.  we put our kids first until we find time somewhere down the road for ourselves.

all this being said, i don't want anyone to read this & come away thinking this baby isn't wanted.  the reality couldn't be any more the opposite.  i seriously can't express how excited i am for this new addition but i would be lying if i pretended there were absolutely no nerves at play here.

but seriously?  i can't wait for august to roll around. i am so excited for our little family of three to become a family of four.  to someday travel with our two boys & to cart them off to t-ball & soccer practices & yell things like "leave your muddy shoes at the door & quit throwing the football in the house!"  you know, the stuff that a mom of two boys would say.  i can't wait.  i know it's going to be amazing & i know it's going to be worth it.  i want this family to grow more than anything & i know in the end it all works out or else no one would do it, right?

i'm already beginning to realize that you don't have to take love away from your first baby to feel love for your second.  as this new baby grows & kicks inside my belly, i already love him so much.  and i know on the day we get to meet him, my heart will surely double in size.  and although i have some fears & am nervous for the sleepless nights ahead, i'm ready.  or at least i'm ready to be in a fog for three to six months until i eventually come out the other side.  it will be worth it.  it all works out.  and parker will make it out a happier little boy because he gets a little brother out of the deal.

so everybody wins... right?

our week by iPhone - week 74

i'm gonna try & write something coherent as i sit here & watch episodes of "smash" on-demand because i'm a little into that show right now.  have you seen it?  it's my new obsession.  it's at least filling in for csi & law & order: svu since i've breezed through all the on-demand episodes of those.

anywho, we had a pretty sweet week.  lots of good weather & time spent outside which pretty much automatically makes everything better.  this is what it looked like in iPics.

easter sunday!  forget the easter ham, we were all about the barbeque steak this year.  after some napping we hit up the capitol campus & went for a little strolly-stroll to enjoy the flowers & the view.  it was a little bit amazing.

monday.  stroller strides on a sunny day & parker realizes playground tunnels are kinda awesome.  we hit up target after i dragged him away kicking & screaming only to have him glue himself to the giant red balls outside the target doors.  thanks target for that.  once we made it inside i shopped for san diego trip-attire & bought parker diapers whose empty diaper box provided long amounts of play-time.

and then the other part of the day that was kinda awesome?  sam coming home & whipping up some amazing dinner from the scraps in our fridge.  i think i'll keep him.

tuesday.  way-too-early morning snuggles before heading to the mall for more shopping & an important lunch date.

ended the day with a fro-yo date with girlfriends & then came home to a cute little boy sleeping all crazy-like.

wednesday.  woke up to a rainy day so p-ray & i strapped on our rainboots & met up with friends for errands.  the day got a little brighter when i got an unexpected break while sam & parker ran more errands & i got some alone time.  i love my guys but who doesn't like some bonus alone time, amiright?

oh yeah, & then i blinded parker with the flash in his sleep.  sometimes that happens.

thursday.  i went to work dressed like an easter egg & then ran off for an amazing pedi on my lunch hour.  easter egg toes to match my mood.

after work i picked up my little monster & met up with sam & friends for my girlfriend's birthday dinner... happy birthday lindsey!  then it was home for baths for little boys.

friday.  we spent the morning with friends at the children's museum & ate lunch out on the grass soaking up the sun & picking flowers.

after p-ray took a three & a half hour nap {holllla!} sam came home & we ran family errands.  there was an amazing sunset & i ate peanut butter twix to top off a pretty awesome day.

happy weekend!

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***photos edited via instagram.  do you instagram?  find me @amy_agoodlife & let's picture bond!***
that was our week!  how was yours?  i wanna see, so link up!

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and please post a link to my blog so others can come here to grab the code, too.
the more kids who come out to play, the more fun it will be, right?

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twenty-three weeks. bump.

{compare kid two belly to parker belly here}

first off, nothing that exciting happens at twenty three weeks except one thing.  it's one week closer to VIABILITY!  if a girl was to go into labor after twenty-four weeks, doctors would do everything they could to help that baby live since at that time, a baby ideally possesses everything it needs to live outside the womb.  but let's not pretend like that's gonna happen.  it's just exciting that i'm one week closer to having a baby that can survive on its own!  maybe more on this next week.

another week has gone by & pregnancy continues to be real.  my belly is getting bigger & my body is getting sorer.  my back hurts, i have sciatic & pelvic pain & i always feel stiff when getting up from sitting.  but i'm still running at stroller strides & able to do most the exercises.

also, despite the stupid anterior placenta that continues to prohibit sam from feeling baby's kicks {he has tried to feel him a few times but can't.  boo.}, i'm feeling lots of movement from the inside.  and oh my freaking goodness, i love it.  feeling baby movement is definitely the best part of being pregnant... it's like the more sore & achy you get the more baby kicks & jabs you get to feel.  so it all turns out to be ok in the end.  glad someone planned it that way.

and lastly?  the reality of having two real soon is starting to set in.  i get really emotional when i think about what that means & i sorta launched into a novel about it in this post that eventually got copied & pasted into a post of its own for next week.  as tears were streaming down my face while writing about not having everyday one-on-one parker time i realized "wow, this is kinda a topic all its own."  so that's coming.

but thank goodness it's friday.  we'll be spending our weekend getting ready for next week's vacay & counting down the hours til we leave for sunny san diego on wednesday.  sounds like an awesome weekend in the making, no?

little bits of happiness - it's all about spring.

and p-ray.  today's edition of "little bits of happiness" is all about spring & p-ray.

we had a brief few days that hit seventy degrees & it was pretty much amazing.  when you live in the seattle area & it's that nice in april you know better than to hold your breath & think it's gonna stick around, you get out & enjoy it.

here are some bits of spring from the last week that are making me a happy girl.

cherry blossoms on the occasional tree.  not everything is blooming yet so when you find something that is all poofy with pinkish-white flowers?  you take pictures & do a happy dance.

another batch of flowers from the farmer's market.  i bought a mixed dozen of tulips on saturday & they have opened up like whoa.  pretty sure i'm addicted to having fresh flowers blooming in my house.  healthy addiction?  i think so.

p-ray has gotten the whole idea behind coloring.  he picks out specific parts & runs the crayon over them {"big bird's feet!  elmo's face!"} but is only entertained by it for about five minutes.  but five minutes is long enough to get some pretty cute pictures so everybody wins.

also?  post-nap bed head.

green soggy grass.  it might be soaked in rain drops at the moment but at least it's not brown & dead.  and that means we'll be running through it with bare feet in no time... that's cup half full, my friends.

breaking in a new pair of sandals for next week's trip to san diego... nuff said.  {pedicure to come.}

and i always have to end with this guy.  because obviously.

{linking up with stephanie for my fifth week of happiness.}

on having another boy.

i'm not gonna lie.  there is no way i could be more excited about having another boy.

before we knew what we were having i got a lot of "are you hoping for a girl?" comments, which i totally understand.  it seems like you should naturally want one of each, right?  it's the all-american family.  i usually gave the honest answer of "i'm gonna be happy either way."  boy or girl, it was gonna be our baby & the newest member of our family & that baby was gonna be what we were supposed to have.  and like most parents, we spent our time praying that we would see a baby with a healthy heartbeat & well developed organs & bones at the ultrasound... gender was an afterthought.

but if i had been answering completely honest?  i kinda secretly hoped for another boy.  i even felt guilty for feeling that way.  i told sam multiple times how bad i felt for wanting another boy.  how worried i was of feeling disappointed at the ultrasound if we didn't see little boy parts.  so the whole way to the ultrasound i gave myself a pep talk about how having a girl would be awesome.  but as soon as that ultrasound started?  i started looking for boy parts & even though i wasn't sure i saw them, i knew it was a boy.

because the weird truth is?  i had already bonded to that baby in my belly as a boy.  back at about ten weeks i had an overwhelming feeling that baby #2 was a boy & i even had a feeling about his name.  over the next few weeks i discounted it as just weird emotions so i gave it little weight in the gender outcome & my predictions.  but that moment has stuck with me & so has the name.

i have no doubt that if this baby had been a girl she would have fit right in & turned our world upside down with her awesomeness.  but i am just so extremely happy that parker is going to have a little brother.

and there is something to be said about brothers.  i can't wait to raise two boys side by side & watch them go through life together.  i can't wait to be the mom of two boys.  i've always felt like there is this special bond between a mom & her son & i never knew just how amazing it was until these last two years.  and now that is going to be magnified x2?  i can't even.

now i will say this.

i'm not completely sure we're done having babies... we'll just have to make that call a year or two down the road.  and for baby number three?  i would TRULY, honestly, 100%, completely love a boy OR a girl.  in fact maybe i'd hope for a girl for number three.  i do hope to someday experience buying little cardigans & dresses & sweaters & own something in my house that is the color pink.  two protective big brothers & a cute little sister sounds absolutely perfect.

but for now i can't wait for little brother to get here.  i can't wait to see what he looks like & how he's going to be his own person.  i can't wait to see parker's reaction to him & how they interact as two little boys.  i can't wait for them to get into mischief together & for them to form their own personalities.  i can't wait for the epic wrestle matches that will occur in our living room with their dad & to watch him with his two little boys.

at this moment?  i just couldn't be happier.

an easter walk in the park & stuff i actually wear.

did you all have an awesome easter weekend?  despite the lack of any family get-together-ing here {i always wish we lived closer to family on holidays!} we had a pretty sweet weekend.  a whole lotta quality sam-amy-and-parker time.

and to heck with the traditional easter ham & strawberry shortcake dessert.  at our house easter was all about bbq steak & brownies.  and i liked it.

after dinner & family naps, we got out to enjoy the rare seventy-degree day with a walk down at our state's capitol which is pretty freaking gorgeous right now.  like seriously?  the blossoms are unreal.  pictures don't do justice but i tried anyway.

see those cute two little dudes in the lower left?  they're with me.

and this is pretty much my mom uniform.  flip flops, jeans, t-shirt, hoodie.  let's be real, yes?  i'm all about comfort.  {linking up with mandy's "steppin' out saturday!}

p-ray's little "first-day-of-school" grin kills me.  actually, almost everything this kid does just kills me.

this is what you get when you ask parker to smile.  i hope it never changes!

and that was our day.