let's just enjoy this moment, shall we?

oh you guys... i'm treading water.  i'm balancing a million things, none of which are bad.  mom duties, photographer duties, church duties, wife duties, part-time worker duties, self-duties, housekeeper duties... you get the idea.  probably because most of you are doing the same thing.  we take on a lot because we know we can & then we feel like {as a good friend of mine put it} you're just one step away from not getting up out of bed in the morning.  it's not depression, it's exhaustion.  and it's a situation i've chosen to be in because there is so. much. i. want. to. do.  sure, a couple extra hours in the day might help... but would it?  because i'm pretty sure i'd find a way to fill that too.

i guess what i'm saying is that i am feeling the need to slow down.  i'm getting tired, i'm feeling pregnant & i'm starting to freak out a little at what's ahead.  two kids.  but then i look at everything i'm juggling & there isn't a single thing i'd choose to take off the table.  so then whattyado?

i've definitely cut back on the blogging... maybe you've noticed, maybe you haven't.  i feel like lately it's pregnancy update, week in iPhotos, token post of another subject, rinse, repeat.  and it'll probably continue to be like that as i'm insistent on continuing to document this pregnancy & our lives in the meantime.

but right now?  right at this moment?  i just want to slow down & take a breath.  i want to enjoy some of the good things in my life, some of the quiet moments & some of the things that make life worth living.  this is what it's all about.  this is how my little family spent my third mother's day as a mom.  it was just me & my two guys + the one in my belly, at the park.  it was a gorgeous day, parker was happy & the lighting was perfect for picture taking.  so i took lots.

i love my crazy, exhausting, sometimes-overwhelming life.  i am blessed with so much & am so grateful for all the opportunities that come my way, even if sometimes i think it's gonna kill me.  i'm so grateful for sam & parker & for this little boy we get to meet in less than three months.

and sometimes i just need to step back from it all, look at the big picture, take a deep breath... and remember that.

{ps:  wanna see what our mother's day looked like last year?  click here.  spoiler alert:  i had a much flatter stomach & better hair.  just sayin.}

twenty-five weeks. bumpdate!

{compare kid two belly to parker belly here.}

i had my first emotional meltdown of the pregnancy.

blame it on being exhausted {up til 2 am the night before with a sleepless-sick kiddo}, on pregnancy hormones, on a week of having a sick/cranky/irritable/out-of-sorts kid, on being worried about an upcoming weekend away from said-kid... whatever.  it happened.  you know when you get to the point of just letting it all out?  crying because it feels good to cry?  yeah, that.  poor sam took the brunt of it.  he made a comment that was meant to be a joke {i'm sure he was making fun of me for using one of my million forms of social media...} but it struck me wrong {i'm sure i felt he was being "unsupportive"} & boom went the floodgates.  looking back?  it was an overreaction, it was a meltdown.  but for some reason it made me feel better.  weird, right?

usually i am pretty dang level-headed.  i can hold on to things & deal with them as they come & not let it all boil over.  i even pride myself on that... i'm mellow.  but on sunday little things added up to a lot.  stress about how the heck we're fitting two kids into one tiny room, how parker will adjust to getting kicked out of his crib in a month, worry over finding a sitter willing to babysit my sick kid so i can avoid calling into work sick again & last but not least?  worry about leaving parker this weekend while sam & i fly to st. louis.

so after getting all this out to sam & realizing not every one of those issues needed to be resolved right that second i felt completely fine.  actually, i felt silly for freaking out.  i got a text from our sitter saying she was available at the last second to watch parker so i wouldn't have to call in sick again & i'm starting to get really excited for a weekend alone with sam instead of worried.  i got a good night of sleep last night & i found some really cute shared-bedroom ideas on pinterest.  it's all gonna be fine.

i'm chalking this one up to being an overly-tired-hormonal-pregnant woman... i'm allowed to do that, right?  the answer is yes.  because i've made it 25/40ths through my pregnancy & am just now having my first breakdown.

i'd say that's pretty good.

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also?  random.org picked a winner from the jewel kade giveaway... yay nicole!

wordless{ish} wednesday: crappy croup.

remember all that talk of routine, working out & being back in the normal swing of things?  yeah, not happening this week.

my little monster has croup.  the distinctive seal barking started yesterday morning after a few days of a stuffy nose.  his raspy breathing & "stridor" gradually got worse until after {a very short} naptime i knew he was going downhill fast.  i called his pediatrician & within thirty minutes of my call we were sitting in the waiting room.  she looked at him, took his temp {he had a fever} & listened to him struggle to breath.  "yup, croup."  before i knew it they were sticking his leg with a steroid shot & prescribing albuterol treatments.

thank-freaking-heavens for modern medicine.

croup used to be a dreaded & deathly illness.  and it can still be very serious to this day when not treated promptly.  we are headed back to the doctor's office today to make sure he is really getting better & to possibly receive another steroid treatment.  since his pediatrician had just hospitalized a previous patient for RSV, she's not taking this lightly & for that?  i'm grateful.

here's to hoping we get our giggly non-seal-barking p-ray back asap.

{linking up with wordless wednesday at and then she {snapped},  baby baby lemon, the paper mama, & a little king & i}

this guy.

{linking up with the paper mama's photo challenge:  "face."  because?  this face kills me.}

oh man.

i started this post off in my head with the intention to rant a little.  but as i sit down here at the computer in my quiet house in my quiet little office while everybody else sleeps, i just can't do it.  i can't complain about this guy & his chubby little face.  so i won't.

but what i will say?  is oh my gosh you guys, he's changing.  not like cracking voice, oily-skin-acne-face changes... oh no, thank heavens not yet.  not for like twenty more years i don't think.  he is however changing into a little boy.  he is getting so much more strong willed & independent & with this new found independence comes a new found determination to do things his way.  or maybe it's just a newfound determination to do things.

and just because sometimes it's not exactly what i would love for him to be doing doesn't make it any less amazing.  yes, it's taking so much more energy out of me to chase after him & try to keep him entertained with what he should be doing & yes we do have the occasional showdown over wether or not he is going to pick up some of the food he threw on the floor at lunch, but know what else he does?  a lot.  like, he actually tells me he wants to eat.  he doesn't just sign "eat," he walks into the kitchen, pulls his bib off the hook where it hangs, walks over to his high chair, holds his bib up to his chin & says "eeeeaaat!"

so what if half that food ends up on the floor, splattered across the cupboards, or smeared across the curtains right?

and who cares if the kitchen floor is hardly ever walkable because it's constantly covered in canned foods & cake mixes from the lower cupboards?  parker can't help it if those things make perfect stacking blocks & are super fun to line up around the edges of the kitchen rug while i cook, ya know?

i guess he's just doing what any curious eighteen month old should be doing & i guess i'm just reacting like most every other mom... going crazy learning to be patient.  because really, at the end of the day it's all pretty amazing.  sure, sometimes i get my hair pulled, my face scratched, or my shoulders bit from an angry kid who would rather stay on the floor playing with cars than get picked up to have his messy diaper changed, but i also get random hugs, kisses & snuggles too.  so i guess it evens out?  yeah, it does.

actually no, it's not even.  it's way better than even.  i had no idea being a parent would be this awesome.  i had no idea that watching parker learn things & laugh & have fun & grow & explore would bring me such a crazy amount of happiness.  like actual, physical, i-can-feel-it-in-my-gut happiness.  because that happens daily.

so the moral of the story?  after all the food throwing, hair pulling, face scratching, & mess making is said & done, i would still have it no other way.  my kid is growing & developing & loves me despite the screams for "daddyyy!!!" through diaper changes.

for that?  i'm grateful.

always grateful for votes. but you knew that.

wordless{ish} wednesday: nightmares in teething.

the last couple days have been a little hard for parker.  we suspect some serious molar activity is to blame.  he's cut four molars in the last couple weeks which he took like a champ, but now we notice some more gum swelling, he's super sensitive to anything he has to chew & he's been living on squeezy pouches, yogurt, oatmeal, scrambled eggs, string cheese & soft pastas.  they're the only things he won't fling across the room.  poor little guy.

so on days like this,

...we look back fondly at days like this:

...and count the hours until the horrible teething monster gives me back my happy little boy.

molars blow.

what worked for your kiddos through the teething days?  he seems to like ice cubes in those little mesh feeder things & we give him doses of tylenol when he has a fever.  i've never tried any teething tablets {weren't they all recalled??} or teething biscuits.

it's gotta be AWFUL having those things come up through your gums... they just sit there for days in puffy swollen gums, & then when they cut they're like little razorblades shearing their way through his pink skin!

argh, the horror.

{linking up with wordless wednesday at and then she {snapped},  baby baby lemon, the paper mama, & a little king & i}

vote?  maybe it'll ease parker's pain?  probably not, but it's worth a try.

wordless{ish} wednesday: "total loss."

we got the phone call from insurance today, & it's official.  our car is totaled.  the damage would cost about $19,000 to repair so we don't get our car back.  

and yeah, i'm pretty mad.

now we wait to get a check from insurance in an amount that i'm sure will be nowhere near what we paid for it & are stuck trying to figure out what to do.  at the moment i can only focus on being mad about the car.  i can't even begin to imagine what would have happened if sam & parker weren't ok.  no seriously, i can't even think about it.

accidents suck. 

{in case you missed what happened, sam & parker were on their way to a mariner's game while i was up in seattle for girl's weekend.  they got about three miles from our house when they were hit by a winnebago from behind while stopped & pushed into oncoming traffic.  a jeep wrangler hit them from the front & ended up in the ditch.  no one was hurt... and that is a miracle.  the driver of the winnebago has claimed full responsibility for the accident.}

a vote or two will surely ease the pain of losing my poor little car.  maybe?

we're home!

after fourteen hours of traveling, we made it back home last night.  that's the good news.  the bad news is that i've been super sick today.  boo!!  luckily parker doesn't seem affected {thank you flu vaccine?} and sam has been taking good care of me.  like, making-me-drink-orange-juice-like-it's-my-job care of me.

being sick sucks.  swallowing is super painful, i have a fever of 103+, i go between shaking with chills to ripping off clothes because i'm sweating, there's a constant ring in my ears, & my head feels like i was smacked with a two by four.  poor me!  at least i'm not nauseas, right?

someday life will resume as normal around here, i promise.  in the meantime, here are a few pics from our road trip.  parker was a rockstar.  when he wasn't sleeping he was sitting in the back singing to himself & playing with toys.  he has morphed into such a little boy these last few weeks & we've been having so much fun with him.  it is such an amazing privilege to get to spend my days with him & i am so lucky to be his mama.

and this last picture is just to remind me of a time when i wasn't sick.  those were the days.

i may be sick but your votes make me feel better.  really, they do!

maybe today i went tanning.

actually, i'm pretty sure i did.

also?  maybe i closed my eyes & pretended i was laying on a beach.  i needed that today.  it was one of those days where you wake up & are ready for it to end before it begins.  it was a marathon day.  it was my day in the office.  i realize i'm very fortunate to stay home as much as i do, & also have a great job.  but the whole process of getting up, getting ready, & getting parker to heather's to be baby-sat was enough to make me pull the covers over my head. 

so after work, i went tanning.  i listened to jack johnson while i laid there & i pretended i was somewhere else.  i didn't think about all the things i needed to do that night, i just listened to jack's voice & pretended the fans were the ocean breeze. 

and maybe i pretended i was here.

yup. i did.


no maybe about it. i love your votes.

the good times are killing me.

what's the bad part about having a totally amazing ridiculously perfect awesome vacation?  the part where it ends.

i'm not asking for anyone to feel sorry for me here, but getting back to reality sucks.  my house is a mess, we have no food in the fridge, sam is back at work, the laundry needs to be done... you get the idea.  poor me.  well, not really.  coming home to all that?  was worth the last two amazing weeks.

so basically, i'm tired.  we got home last night at midnight & i haven't quite hit the ground running.  there's a lot of stuff that needs to be done around here but i'm taking my time settling in.  what's the rush, right?  afterall, i'm still on island time.

bare with me for a few days, mmmmk?


your votes make settling back into real life much more bareable. fer reals.

the forty five minute intruder

today was one of those days.  i guess karma owed me a not-so-good day after all my bragging of how great my life is.

we fought the "forty-five minute intruder" today.  anyone dealt with this?  supposedly it's legit, & it rears its nasty head during nap time.  it's when your baby just can't seem to sleep past forty-five minutes without waking up & screaming.

some theories say that at 45 minutes, your baby is switching sleep cycles & gets woken up.  some say it's hunger.  some say it's a sign that they were overstimulated before being put down.  i'm convinced parker is acting out a well-constructed plot to keep me from being happy, productive, or well rested.  whatever the reason, i'm at a loss.

i coulda timed my watch today to when parker would wake up from his nap.  forty-five minutes to the minute both times.  and a baby that isn't napping well, is like... well, see that picture above?  'nuff said.

at least i made a ridiculously good dinner tonight.  wanna hear about it?  well read on & i will tell you all the juicy details.  i know, this is front page stuff right here.

super-duper, easy-peasey, crock-pot cream cheese chicken & rice.

trust me, remembering the name of this one is harder than actually making it.  and if you're the dieting type that runs at the mention of cream cheese, just know that i "dieted" this one down a bit.  i'll give the full fledged, totally creamy substitutions at the end.  like how i baited you there?  i'm suspenseful like that.

ingredients:  package of boneless skinless chicken breasts, half a stick of butter, one cup chicken broth, package of italian seasonings, package of non-fat cream cheese, & a can of cream of chicken soup.

directions: combine butter, broth, italian seasonings & chicken in crock pot.  cook on high for three hours.  then, dump in the package of cream cheese & the can of cream of chicken soup.  mix it all up til it's nice & creamy-like.  trust me, i used fat free versions of both these items, & it was still super duper creamy.  set it on low for another half hour or so & then eat it over rice.  i used brown & it was delish.

lastly, you have to jump in front of your husband's football game & make him take a picture of you eating it.  oh wait, just me?  ok then, never mind that last step.

oh, & to make it super fatty-like {don't i make it tempting?} use a whole stick of butter instead of the cup of broth & use normal cream cheese.  i make fun because i'm jealous.  i'm sure that version is d-to-the-e-licious. 

and in closing it should be said that even on his worst days, p-ray is a pretty cool little man.  i'm sure tomorrow will go much better... but i won't be around to find out.  tomorrow is my day in the office & i'm actually looking forward to it.  don't hate, ya'll.  it's just that i have a hot date with my stereo in the morning, & a to-do list that doesn't include dishes.  well, not until five o'clock at least.

know what would turn this frown upside down?  your vote!