Monday, March 5, 2012

fish hatcheries & growing pains.













oh toddlerhood.

we took parker to a fish hatchery this weekend while down in vancouver visiting sam's sister.  it was so fun watching parker experience everything from the fish to the ducks to the flowers to the rocks to the dirt.  he was completely enthralled by it all.  and he really loves his auntie.

parker is in this stage of extremes.  he can be so completely sweet & hilarious one minute & so mind-puzzling & frustrating the next.  one minute i am in awe of this little person i took part in creating & then the next i am pulling my hair out trying to figure out what to do with him.

no one ever told me that as a mom you live in constant worry that what you're doing is wrong.  that you're using the wrong parenting techniques, you're feeding him the wrong diet, you're putting him down for naps/bed the wrong way or you're letting him play with the wrong toys.

as i'm starting to see him make real choices on his own & deciding how to react in certain situations, i'm always second guessing myself.  what did i do that made him not want to share with that other kid?  what can i do that will make him want to hold my hand when crossing a street?  how the heck am i supposed to react when he throws his food off his tray after eating?  ignore it?  reprimand him?  timeout?

i thought for sure as a parent i was gonna do everything right.  that other kids misbehaved because their parents did something wrong & i wouldn't have that problem.  as long as i teach my kid with love, he'll always do the right thing.

how is it just starting to settle in that my kid has his own personality & i can't mold him into exactly what i want him to be?  while parker's personality is very sweet, loving, easy-going, affectionate & fun, he also knows how to push buttons, attempt to get his own way & throw extreme fits.

he is such a fun little guy & i realize now that i'm not here to make him into what i want him to be.  i'm here to teach him what is right & wrong & hope he makes good decisions on his own.  and i'm just starting to see him make those decisions & it's kinda scary.  even if today it is little things like how he reacts to a kid taking a toy from him or how he responds to me asking him to hold my hand when crossing the street.

he already has a mind of his own, & that?  is kinda terrifying.

19 comments:

  1. I definitely feel for you over here. Ryann is pretty much in the same stage and I'm feeling the same way. Why is she acting out? Is it something I did? Am I responding correctly? HOW CAN I MAKE IT STOP?!?! Oy. Especially the throwing things off her tray at the table. Drives me nuts, but so far nothing seems to convince her not to...

    And yet, every day she is so incredibly sweet and I can't believe she is my baby, my little person that I created.

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  2. I so know what you are talking about. But now I that I have more than one kid I KNOW it's not what I am doing and it's their own personalities.

    My son Judah has always been laid back and mostly well behaved.

    His sister on the other hand is a stinker with an attitude to boot.

    They are complete opposites and sometimes I do wonder, "What did I do right with Judah and what did I do wrong with Ora?"

    But I just have to remind myself that Ora is just a different person. She won't be just like her brother. She has her own personality.

    For example potty training. Right after Judah's 3rd birthday he said "I have to go potty." and has been potty trained since. Ora is 3 1/2 and stubborn as I'll get out and refuses to go on the potty by herself. Even with constant reminders she still goes potty in her pants. It's a little annoying, but it just means more work for me.

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  3. Parker is looking cute as ever! So sad he's growing so quickly!

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  4. as a parent you always want to do what is right, but that can be a fine line becuase what is right for you may nor be right for someone else. I have learned that I just ignore most peoples thoughts on the subject. Yes, there are a few good tidbits that you are given, but as long as he is happy, thriving, and growing then you are doing everything right. And yes the independence strugle makes you want to put a "free" sign on them a times, but I try to remember that they are still learning about how everything works. It's all still worth it in my eyes though.

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  5. What a darling little boy! You sure captured some great shots. xo, rv

    http://aneclecticheap.blogspot.com/

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  6. i think parenting can just be plain hard, but those moments where your kid grows and shows so much awesomeness then you know that what you are doing is right. you are an amazing mom and parker is one cute kid!!

    looks like you guys had a lot of fun at the hatchery! beautiful day!!

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  7. I've been following your blog for a while because I have a son a few months younger than Parker. We too are getting to that awesome toddler stage, but I recently read a book that has been helpful to me. Playful Parenting by Lawerence Cohen - he's a psychologist and play therapist and I found it helpful in just resetting how I think about discipline, in particular (but it has lots more in it that discipline). Not sure if it's something you will find helpful, but thought I'd pass it along.
    And I agree - parenting is just plain hard. Our kids are partly our genes, partly our parenting and wholly themselves! I think as long as you are questioning and thinking about these things, you don't have too much to worry about.

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  8. Sounds like a fun weekend...I know exactly what you mean about the parenting! I'm second guessing myself all the time. I don't want to have one of "those" kids, but Cami has been throwing a lot of fits lately and it's hard to know if I'm reacting the right way!

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  9. Oh goodness, you hit the nail on the head with this one!! I am finally figuring this out as well! It's tough when you are doing everything you can to mold them, and then you realize that they are who they are. All we can do is be here to try to guide them, and hope that they will follow our examples (hopefully we're setting good ones, ha ha). In the end, they are their own people, even at a young age of 2 y/o. They are testing their limits and figuring out what life is all about. It's both amazing and frustrating!!!

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  10. The dudes are going through this. And I've learned, they're going to be who they're going to be no matter what I do.

    Parenting in general is pretty much trial and error. You never know if it's right. And what's right for you might not be right for someone else. You just have to do what you think is best at the time and not second guess yourself.

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  11. I have the exact same thoughts. I always saw those out of control kids and thought, the parents must not have done what they needed to do. And now I'm in the same boat...Nash is so loving and funny, but he gets frustrated easily and usually resorts to something physical in response.

    I don't know how to teach him to vent his frustration in a way that doesn't involve biting, hitting his head against something, or throwing something.

    I'm guessing though, because we have these concerns, we're probably doing a pretty good job...it's the ones who don't get worried...or who think their kids are just fine acting that way that end up with problems down the road.

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  12. "no one ever told me that as a mom you live in constant worry that what you're doing is wrong. "


    Amen.

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  13. Amy - I feel with you, been feeling exactly the same feelings myself. I used to think that I would be doing everything right and therefore my child would be perfect. Just realizing i'm not in fact raising a heavenly being but a human with human nature built right in. I pray my little one will learn to make the right choices even if it takes a bit of time to teach him to do so. All the best to you. By the way do you know what you are having yet?

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  14. I completely understand this. Parker is a little older than Will, but we are also going through some of the same things. Not only am I second guessing myself and my decisions as a parent, but I also find my husband and I have a different reaction to certain situations. We have to get on the same page to keep things consistent. Parenting is hard!

    Cute shots of Parker in his dino hoodie!!

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  15. These pictures are so beautiful, and I love your thoughts about mommyhood and childhood. I can't wait to hear more about the little man P becomes!

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  16. wow parker is getting so big! Hey by the way don't worry from reading your blogs you and your hubby are doing a great job at raising parker :) and the new baby is going to love you guys!

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  17. He's tooooo cute! Impossible? Yes.

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  18. I feel your pain. I stress about this stuff all the time too. I figure all we can do is do the best we can. They know they are loved and we teach them right from wrong, the rest is up to them. Terrifying!:)

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  19. The fact that you worry, and the fact that you know you're trying your best, means that you are definitely a great parent! :)

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